Solitude

And he started walking, giving no hope to return back. I broke down as she saw his moving figure fading away. I have never felt so inadequate till now. I could feel the hollowness in my heart. I wanted to greet "good-bye" happily if this was the last time. Yes, I stayed awake whole night convincing myself the same. Then why couldn't I?? why couldn't I stop the tears? When I decided to speak, why couldn't I open my mouth? I felt as if suddenly blurry clouds covered clear sky and there was heavy rainfall. 

I knew this was not the time to cry, it was the time to try to let him know how much I love him, it was the last chance before I gave up. I didn't want to, but had left with no alternatives. It had been discussed over and over again always ending in futile conclusions. Then why should I?? But the mind was not ready to get over it..My mind said ..."one last try!! If it's the last then it has to be the best!!"

And I agreed. If it was for me, I never wanted it to be. I was stronger now, stronger than what I was when he met me. Yeah, I could bare it if it was a "No". But I never wanted him to go, go away like this, thinking that it would stop the occurance of these situations. He thought he never matched me, I deserved someone better. I decided that he was the best. I was mesmerized to know that I have fallen for him too. But then it was the fact which could not be expressed in words however much I tried. 

If I would have not met him, I would not have been what I am today. So confident, self-reliant, determined, focused and if this was not enough, then he also taught me to move on. Just because of him, I have moved on. Broken as I was, could not even find any hope in any thing. He gave me a new perspective to look at; he taught me to breathe same air in fresh ways. He moved on with me, holding my fingers as if a baby's, without letting me realize that it was a deliberate effort. He walked along, so the journey seemed easy; distance crossed, seemed short. 

I don't know how I got attached to him. I don't know how I got used to him, his habits, his existance around me. Now that he was about to leave, I couldn't live with the fact anymore. It was not out of need. Human relationships are formed out of need, I know. But this was something more. I was not scared that when I will need him, he wouldn't be there. I was scared that I just didn't want to lose him. He was such a gem of a person. Forget about my feelings..

Now that I think I wonder why did he help me come out of what I went through? If we say human relationships are formed out of need, then this is an exception in his case, isn't it? What did he get by helping me? Nothing, now that I have fallen for him, he is running away. As if I tried to return his favor. What he did for me, could it be out of love? Who can say what was in his mind? I just knew the fact that he did everything for me, which made me feel so good, so nice. Its the princess kind of feeling every girl wants to experience. He treated me like one. Then why can't I love him? Isn't it justified? I don't even need his permission to love him. But who will tell him all this. Who will ask him to stay?? It was me. As I couldn't see his figure anymore, I was back in reality. I could't decide what to do, and one voice said, "run."  I ran promptly, forgetting everything else. Only one thing I reckoned "He had to stay!!"