Still Me!!

"I think you don't love me any more"

the last words u spoke that night,

as you walked away out of sight

Numb..I stood there for quite a long time,

As if I had commited a big crime

It took ages to gather the lost pieces of puzzle,

especially as the way I had been frazzled

I couldn't love you enough,

even after making you sit on the cloudy puffs

I did everything, I could do, to make you smile

each step we walked together seemed like a mile

we shared perfect moments,We enjoyed together,

Do birds of a feather never flock together?

I don't understand what went wrong,

what happened that we couldn't get along

I guess it was just that you didn't want to fit,

However much i tried to make it sweet

Its okay, i guess

that is life

& you can choose to be

you have all the rights

I chose to be myself

never turning back

trying to move ahead on

unwanted impelled different tracks...

From a Last stage cancer Patient's point of view

Beneath the blue sky,
under the shining twinkling colorful tiny stars,
may angels travel down today
in her cloudy car,

May they come down
with god's message,
A message through a sage,
a consent of seeing myself aged.

I hope that each night,
I pray for less pain, less hopeless thoughts,
direct death is what I ask for at the end
& again I fear death cause of emotional investment.

Is it really my age to go?
before even getting someone know??
red roses, those cute talks,
thousand wishes, n many walks..

I am just surrounded by nurses,
& others similar kinds,
Depressing white color will turn me blind,
Yes, some flowers get in sometimes , having "get well soon" tags.

Why should I live in such a turmoil state?
I know I am blessed who will make me forget the pain
For them, I shall live, for them, I shall enjoy!
For them I shall smile, not shedding tears and not asking why!!

Romance

Romance doesn't mean a touch or physical closeness,

It means expression of love through few words while walking down miles,

Which will make each other smile, 

And last for more than "a while".

Romance means at 30, peeping out of workload, busy schedule and files.

Making efforts of keeping the love alive.

Romance doesn't mean saying I love you everyday,

Matters when one is being able to say it after a fray.

Yes, it's about the endless hugs and kisses as well,

But only after your souls finally jell !! 

A letter...wish to be posted

21.03.10 

As I was travelling, I was praying again and again for his safety, I was pleading to God…not this time. Please…it should be never. I want him. I love him, I care for him. Though I don’t talk to him every day, my love does not change or reduce. God, he is your child n you please take care of him. I had heard when people are unconscious, they are away from the chaotic world and they could hear things in much clear way. So, I even was trying to connect with him in telepathic transactions.

I wanted to be there with him as SOON as POSSIBLE. Bus moved in its usual speed, but I felt it was taking ages to reach. Would he wait till I am there?? Would he really hear what I was talking to him?? Hey God, have mercy!!! Please…

Again the whole cycle started….of thoughts, of memories, of uncountable worries. How do I stop it??? Nothing will happen to him, NOTHING!!! I’ll not let anything happen to him. He has to stay. He has to be there. There are so many moments he has not celebrated with us. He has to celebrate them with us and so he’ll be just fine…would you stop thinking negative!!

Just stop it idiot!!! He’ll be alright!!

But I knew it won’t be fine.

Again, my throat choked, eyes filled with water, and feeling of breathlessness. My eyes ached of tears. But the flow did not stop. It just went on, cause it was not the eyes which cried, it was coming straight from the heart.

Heart was pounding so fast, that it possibly could have skipped many beats. Who cared? It was neither my physical pain, nor my mental stress. It was all about him. I loved him. In fact, I still love him.

I looked out of the window t distract myself, I felt all the trees were scaring me. It just didn’t help. I put my i-pod earphone in ears and started listening to songs loudly, so loudly that I might have turned deaf. But I didn’t care. It started helping. My attention was shifted for 5 minutes hardly and again, my thoughts started struggling loudly enough to neglect them. I could hear the struggle between some song and the thoughts. I couldn’t win that day, nor could I win over the loss.

No human being can win over the ultimate fact- Death. Yes, I had to face the fact, from which I was running away. I have lost you, but I still have you with me in memories, endless infinite memories. I will never let them go. They will never fade away. You taught me so many things, and still so many things I had to learn from you. You always gave and never asked back. I love you, I used to be happy with you and sometimes, when you were strict and angry, I used to be scared of you. But I know it was for my own good. And whatever I do to thank you for that, I can never even return 1 part of it. I love you from the depth of my heart and I will always do. For the way you were, for the caring ways in which you played all the roles. I want to tell you today NANA, we all love you, and we all are proud of you. I feel really lucky that I was born as YOUR grand-daughter.

If u can listen to me today, I want to thank you for just being there. I love you and I will always do….hope you are watching us and hope you are happy too.

Love you forever

Yours

Shweta

Something about a love story...

I finished reading Message in a Bottle By Nicholas Sparks few hours ago...all choked up at the end, needed a chocolate to kill the sadness....Loved the book no doubt... But feeling the same....apprehensive...kind of hazy...if I could use this word to describe my feelings....its not only apprehension about the overall love life...its a doubt....why the hell all love stories has to end up in a sad or depressed manner??? Can't the couple jus be happy n content together?....
Is it always that the end has to be so painful....I am not talkin about only the book...but from my experience...from my frnds' experience..i know the feeling of loving someone n being loved is as if feeling elated...But then y the hell does the end suffer...y the tears...why the suffering...???

Will anyone be ever able to answer those questions???

I don't want an answer saying until n unless u dun experience pain...u won't value happiness....
coz my reply to this would be that, "even if I eat Ice cream everyday, I would still love it as much as I would have if I eat it once in a blue moon!!!!!!!!"

A letter to my little friend!!!

Oops !!! little bolte bolte kab bade hogaye pata hi nahi chala!! Anyways....tere saare friends ko bol diya "kuch likho"...shappath i have no clue what I should write now...tension wala kaam hai bhai!!..hv to think coz we keep sayin things to each other...i hv written you letters as well...You know me n U know wat I think about u ....so i dun wanna make it sound simple...usual...its ur b'day n it has to be special!! n SO SOMETHING SPECIAL!!!

tuzyasange ayushyatil 22 varshe sarli,
tuzya nikhal/nithal hasyat dukkha swatahlach visarali...
Pratyek kaamat utsaah osandun vaahto,
athak parishram ani utsaahacha chan mel jamto...

kadhi tuzya hridayatala baal alvar dolyanvaate hasta....
patkan khodkar banun veda te sarvanach hasvita...
tuzyasange divaswapna hi satyat utartana distat...
chandravar jau mhatala tar paayvaata aapoaap bantaat..

kalakaar tujhyat ki bolka chitrakaar...
apratim likhaan dete tujhya vicharana ek navin aakar,
manmokli vagnuk ani spashtavaktepana...kalpanashakti
apulaki , kalji ani premacha zara...

ashich hasat raha tu ani hasvat raha sarvana!!

vadhdivasachya hardik shubheccha!!